Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
