you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
