Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
