the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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