I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
