I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I love you.
Bad choice
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
