i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
