If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
