I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
