I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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