Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
