I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
porn star boner night. come get it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
