If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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