I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
