I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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