Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
