so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
