I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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