whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
