Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
