All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
