I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
only you would photoshop your dick
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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