put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
