i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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