What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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