Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
