i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We got so high we made milksteak
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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