Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
