He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
