That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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