im six kinds of drunk right now
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
