Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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