some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
did i just pee glitter
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