I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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