your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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