Life is so much better after having sex.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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