He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
