life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
