Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
