dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i came on her dog
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
