So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
