it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
They took my balls.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You ruined the universe
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
