I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
