gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
