EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
