went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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