I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
