oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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