I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
