Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
