no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
