five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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