You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
